No more breastmilk =(

My precious lil' darling, this morning you drank up the last bottle of breastmilk that mummy expressed out for you.. Will you miss it?

Mummy can still remember when I first started breastfeeding.. The milk didn't come till about 4 days after your birth even though mummy diligently used the breast pump since day 1.. Cos that was supposed to stimulate milk production...

Thinking back on the past 2.5 months... *LOUD SIGH* Finally, it's over.. Breastfeeding is really not easy.. Initially, there was the fear of no milk production and hence the diligent use of breastpump to work those tissues into producing milk.. And when the milk came, there came the worry about darling not being able to latch on properly. Thank goodness, my lil' sweetheart is a natural. And when darling can latch on with no problems, there's the pain that accompanies each feeding session.. Not to mention worries about blocked ducts, engorgement, infection........

No, that's not the end.. Initially, mummy always let darling latch on directly. Cos that's when mummy feels closest to you.. But after a while, that just doesn't work anymore.. Cos mummy would sometimes produce so much milk that even before darling's feeding time, mummy would start leaking! And also because direct latching on means no one can help mummy feed darling... Mummy's exhaustion was really catching up on me.. So mummy started to express out some in bottles too.

Well, as you can probably tell by now, mummy's not a big fan of breastfeeding... But because mummy know's that's the best gift that I can give darling, mummy persisted. As mummy's workplace is not breastfeeding friendly, mummy won't be able to continue once my maternity leave ends.. Initially mummy had wanted to stop 2 weeks before the end of my ML so that mummy can have some real rest before starting work. Not having to express milk every 3 hourly, not having to worry about leaks, not having to endure engorgement pain, and having a good night's sleep (able to toss and turn without having to fear the leak will wet the bed!)... Mummy has been looking forward to this day. Yet, when the day came, mummy felt so guilty... Guilty for not giving you what's best for you.. And so mummy persisted one more week..

It's been 23 hrs since mummy last pumped out the milk... As mummy's typing this, mummy's having very bad engorgement pain.. Sigh, even stopping breastfeeding is not easy... To all mommies out there who persisted with breastfeeding for months and even years, you have my utmost respect! It really involves a lot of hardwork and sacrifices...

Tough work it is, but mummy's glad that mummy managed to persist for the past few months. Cos as long as darling is healthy, everything's worth it.. =)